Grab a spoon

I'm going to regret this next sentence in about 10 years, I'm sure: I have a real problem with "diet" food. I just don't see the point. Okay, let me take that back. I do see the point. In fact, my thighs would really love it if I not only saw the point but acted on it. But I just can't bring myself to buy a microwavable, low-fat meal of grilled chicken, vegetables and brown rice, for example, when I could just make myself some grilled chicken, vegetables and brown rice.

The problem is, though, that I can't just make myself those three simple and healthy things. I may start out with the best of intentions, but inevitably I end up making some kind of butter, lemon and white wine sauce that gets slathered all over the top of everything. And then my thighs look up at me and say, "Damn you and your butter sauce! We shall never see the light of day again!"

But then Nabisco came out with these and I am torn. Based on my prior logic, I don't need the 100-calorie pack of Oreos because in theory, I could just eat two Oreos instead of 50 and call it a day. But let's be real: it is impossible to eat just two Oreos. Also, why would you want to eat only two Oreos?

As a side note here, I know that there have been countless commercials made depicting a child and their grandparent in front of two glasses of milk and a stack of Oreos and each is trying to tell the other about the best way to eat said cookie. I think the "lick it, stick it and dunk" method is quite popular? I wouldn't know because my father told me that the way you eat an Oreo is with a spoon. Yes, that's right. Read and learn:

Take Oreo and separate the chocolate cookies. Using a spoon, scrape the creamy goodness off of the cookie and eat from the spoon. Dunk the scraped-clean cookies one by one into the milk, leaving them there just before the point of breaking off of your pinched fingers and dropping to the bottom of the milk glass. That part took some practice and I recall many a glass of gray, mushy sludge milk.

But Oreos are not "good" for you. They "clog your arteries" and "make you cry when you look in the mirror." Okay, fine, so maybe the 100-calorie packs of the Oreo cookies are a good idea. The problem is the 100-calorie Oreos look and taste nothing like actual Oreos. How unsatisfying. However, the Oreo Candy Bites are delightful. Candy!?! That tastes like Oreos!?! And it is only 100 calories? The only downside is you can't eat them with a spoon...unless of course you pour them over an ice-cream sundae. Shut up, thighs.