"Top Chef" Season 4: Episodes 9 through 13

Let me begin with an explanation: the reason I failed to post any kind of review of the past five episodes is because if I had reviewed them at the time of airing, it would have taken everything in my power not to simply write a string of curses representing the frustration I feel because Lisa has somehow managed to sneak by Judges' Table over these past weeks.

Today's review is no exception to that, and in fact the only way I think I am managing to get through it in a polite and professional manner is the fact that before sitting down to the computer today, I had a lunch which consisted of four cosmopolitans and a Xanax. And quite literally during the ridiculously long pause while I waited to hear Padma say her famous line, I was rocking back and forth on the couch repeating, "Lisa, please pack your knives and go. Lisa, please pack your knives and go," hoping that maybe my chants would somehow enter the TV, deflect off of Tom Colicchio's bald head and straight into Padma's brain.

Since I don't have the time or the the energy, and because I am still recovering from having to say goodbye to Antonia, I have decided to review episodes nine through thirteen in Haiku form. Enjoy:

Episode 9:Wedding Wars
Speed challenge again
At stake, a bride's wedding day
Farewell to Nikki

Episode 10: Serve and Protect
The salmon rolls fail
Unpleasing to tongue and eyes
Like Padma's knife dance.

Episode 11: Restaurant Wars
Team Richard: success
Scary judge, Mr. Bourdain
Butterscotch scallops???

Episode 12: High Steaks
You get it? "High Steaks?"
Like a play on the word "stakes"
So clever, Top Chef

Episode 13: Finale PT 1
Upset at judges
Mad mad mad mad mad mad mad
Lisa can suck it