Bop-less

Shhhh....listen. Do you hear that beautiful sound?

The sound I am speaking of, also known as silence, is happening right now because my boy is napping! If I am being completely honest, I have little room to complain as he has always been a good sleeper. Actually, take that back: Charlie has always been a great sleeper. I knew we must have gotten the deluxe model of baby when at just two-months-old, we put him to bed after his last feeding at around 11 p.m. and then Grant and I woke up to a quiet house at 7 a.m. Convinced that something terrible must have happened, we rushed into his room. What we found was our swaddled little monkey, happily snoozing away. Thank God the sound of our jaws dropping to the floor did not wake him. Instead, we gave each other a silent "high five," crept out of the room, crawled back into bed and promised we would buy him anything he ever wanted for Christmas, forever. Barring any illness or unforeseen circumstances, he has been sleeping like that ever since.

When other parents would ask me, "So, how is he sleeping? Still keeping you guys up?" I would cringe and say, "Not really. He has been sleeping through the night for a while now." They would look at me quizzically and ask, "Like, since when?"

That's when I would brace myself, give them the answer, and then throw my arms up in an effort to block the punch that was headed straight for my skull. It was a warranted sucker punch to the face though; sleep deprivation can make you do crazy things, or so I've been told.

Up until a week ago, naps were also no problem at all. But then, we decided it was time to throw a wrench into this whole perfect set-up and take away the pacifier, or as Charlie lovingly refers to it, his "bop."

I was anticipating a serious battle of wills when it came to taking the bop away, especially at night. For several months now, Charlie was only using his bop for nap and bedtime but never during the day. He never asked for it during the day either, but when it was time to go to sleep he knew what was coming.

"Get bop?" he'd ask.

"Yes, we will go get bop." I'd say and he would start to giggle with delight. As soon as he saw it he would shake from the anticipation of all the awesome soothing that was about to occur. After a story or two (or five sometimes) he would go to his crib, wide awake with not so much as a whimper and fall asleep all on his own.

(Seriously, why am I doing this again? I mean, so he takes his bop to college? Who cares! )

A few weeks before saying goodbye to his bops, we began talking about how he was such a big boy and pretty soon he wasn't going to need them anymore. Maybe he could give them away to a baby who needs them? He agreed that he was in fact a big boy and he seemed willing to give them away. Easier said than done, I thought.

The first night without it was remarkably easy and I was so very proud of my big boy that I almost cried. I then realized that the truth was this manipulative little stinker has been playing me for a fool and probably could have ditched the thing 6 months ago. Well played, little one, well played. But, if night time was so easy that nap time should be a breeze.

Or so I thought.

The first nap, both Grant and I were home. He went down without a protest like the night before and we thought we had it made. But then he started talking to himself which turned to singing and then to screaming. He clearly wasn't going to sleep so we caved and went in to get him likely just seconds before he began dismantling his crib.

The next day I was home by myself with Charlie and fearing we would have a repeat of the day before, I decided on a "no mercy" approach and mercy, I had none. He lasted for about 2 minutes and then the wailing began. But I was not going to let him get to me; this was nap time and he could sleep or cry all he wanted but he was staying in there for at least one hour. Besides I had brownies to eat and talk shows to watch and all the other things stay-at-home moms do! Right? I'm sorry, I forgot, it wasn't talk shows to watch, it was bathrooms to clean which means it sure as hell wasn't the kind of brownies you were initially thinking of either.

The day three nap had to be better though, right? It became clear right away that I was about to have a repeat of the day before. But I was sticking to my decision: no mercy. So when I went upstairs and he was screaming "Mommy sing me a song! Mommy sing me a song!!!" And I stood outside his door, my heart broken into 70 million pieces at my feet trying to convince my brain that this mom was NO MERCY!

And then I opened the door to his room. I mean for Christ's sake, he wants me to sing him a song!!! You think he is going to ask for that when he is 15-years-old? I picked him up and said, "Charlie it is nap time so I will sing you one song and then it is time for bed. Do you understand?" He whimpered out a pathetic, "yes."

We sat down in the rocker, his head on my shoulder and requested "Homeward Bound" by Ben Kweller. He was asleep before I got through the first chorus. That's when I realized that I was clearly asking too much of him. Just days before I allowed him to go to sleep with a tool and then I took that tool away without replacing it with something else. So now, I spend a few extra minutes helping him fall asleep with a song or two. It's not going to last forever and someday I imagine I'd bet I'll be willing to do just about anything to rock him to sleep one more time.

What? "No mercy mom" also knows how to compromise!


Charlie at seven months old when this thing was basically another appendage.


Charlie Shellen: Train conductor, lover of mac-n-cheese and Super Big Boy.