Um, Goldfish

 (Disclaimer for my family members with sensitive ears: There is a swear in this post. You know, a "cuss". A "naughty word." Sorry. Sometimes I enjoy a well placed curse word for comedic purposes. And what can I say, cats have potty mouths. Read on.)

It is a well known fact that kids are terrible at naming things.

How do I know this? Because when I was about eight years old, my sister gave me a stuffed cat for some gift giving occasion. I will never forget this cat. It was about the size of a real cat and was positioned much like how a cat would be if it was say, snobbishly sitting on a marble pedestal. The look on it's face seemed to say, "I am cat. Don't fuck with me." Why my sister thought that this screamed "Heather" I'll never know. I didn't even like cats. So, I am sure it also goes without saying that children are also terrible at giving gifts.

Either way, I liked the present as much an any kid would who was handed something free. And like most children I had a desire to name all my inanimate object so I decided to name this cat, Givalen.

Yes, that is what I said: Givalen, pronounced give-uh-lynn. I figured I would go ahead and help you sound that one out since it ISN'T A REAL WORD!!! My reason behind that name was because my sister "gave" me the cat. But based on that logic, the cat should have been named "Gavalen." I suppose you could argue that the cat was "given" to me...but that is not the point! The point is that the name was ridiculous and why my mother did not immediately kick me out of the house with a blanket, juice box and a note that read, "Free daughter. Comes with this cat," I'll never know.

After the death of our beloved little friend, Ernesto, Charlie was really looking forward to adding a new fish to the family. And like a freaking idiot, I asked the two-year-old what he thought would be a good name for our new fish.

"Um, I think, um, Goldfish."

"Right. We are going to get a new fish, but what do you think we should name it?"

"Um, Goldfish."

Goldfish? This is even lamer than my stupid cat name! At least mine was original! We tried to explain to him that while it is a goldfish that we would be buying, he could name it anything he wanted. For example, my mom (aka, Mimmi to Charlie) has two dogs named Lily and Tippy. They are dogs but they have names. So, we asked again, "What would you like to name our new fish when we get it?" His response:

"GOOOOOLLLLDFIIISHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Alright. Fine.

Finally, the day came and it was time to get our new little fish and Grant asks, one last time to be sure. "So, what do you want to name her, Charlie?"

"Um, I think, Orange." A little better I suppose.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet our newest family member, Madame Orangina the 14th, Orange (or Orangie) for short. You have thirteen years worth of big shoes to fill, little lady.