This summer, I'll be eating fair food.

(This little nugget was originally posted here, courtesy of Plinky.com. Plinky is a fancy little company that my husband works for and my brother-in-law founded. I highly recommend trying is, almost as much as fair food.)

It is a simple equation really:

Summer+ The Fair + Corn Dogs = A very content Heather

I look forward to the fair and all it's deep fried goodness more than I look forward to Christmas. I honestly don't know what it is about the fair. Because really, it is kinda dirty and sad. But nothing makes me happier than the one day I justify eating an entire weeks worth of calories.

Glorious. Truly glorious.

But one must treat the fair with respect. It can turn on you faster than you can deep fry a Twinke. Try to do too much and you will end up, not with contentment, but regret and a food coma. So. Worth. It.

Mexico OR Where I Found Religion

By Joel C. Daniel

(It's seems that there is a running theme with most of Joel's stories that he so kindly allows me to share on this little bliggity-blog of mine. That theme? Bodily functions. But only Joel can tell a story with that kind of subject matter and still make me hungry for tacos. Enjoy.)

It is 3:30 a.m. PST. I am awake. My roommate’s bunk bed is squeaking in the room next door, and my neighbor across the street is wailing, “Louie,” over and over in a drunken slur¹. The last time I was awake at 3:30 am, I was in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico² listening to my girlfriend vomit. Montezuma laid his revenge upon her with conviction, and I was relegated to using the neighbor’s toilet any time I had to go. We were with her family; they think it was the food. I think it was Jesus. Baby Jesus to be exact, or a plastic doll being used as his stand-in. She kissed said Jesus, along with the rest of San Miguel de Allende, at midnight mass on Christmas Eve. I didn’t. It is pertinent to note, I think, that she is a Jew.

There was nothing wrong with the food. I could eat Mexican food every day. I could eat Mexican food in Mexico every meal of every day, and for five days I did. The food rocked. It rocked the way an elephant standing atop a very stiff and thin candle would rock. My girlfriend’s family insisted upon eating at “nice” restaurants³. Although the food was good, it never felt right passing a vendor making fresh tacos at a cart on the side of a cobblestone street – who probably had been doing the same every day all of his or her life – to eat something else. In Mexico, passing this by seemed preposterous and American.

Eating at a taco stand is not an experience you can get in the US. You can take your chances at a taco truck⁴, but it is not the same. The stands I visited were imperative to the city and its people, and I believe they were authentic connections to the roots of the city. The people I purchased my meals from were residents and sole proprietors making a living selling to mostly local residents and citizens. The food was delicious, and I felt closer to the culture, because I met the people of the city that keep it nourished.

I think my girlfriend’s family was looking for easy answers. She and I ate the same exact food while we were in Mexico. I did not throw up or discharge anything abnormally. Thus, it could not have been the food. It could have been the water, (although in this particular town the water is supposed to be okay for the gringos), as she had a few ice cubes in margaritas on our trip. I did not drink these, but I saw her father take a sip of at least one of hers. Therefore, I do not think it was the water, which leaves only Jesus. I am not a religious person, but I have also never seen fluids move forward and back through a human at the rate they moved through my girlfriend. Only a divine hand could explain this. Only in Mexico could I find religion. Good night.

__
1 He does this about twice a week.

2 An artist community and city founded in 1542 in the state of Guanajuato.

3 Usually Italian food.

4 Which is not to say there is no value in a taco truck. There is. However, a great part of its value is the result of our fast-paced lives and capitalism.

Why I bought a grapefruit spoon

Since I am one who has always prepared my grapefruits with a knife, I never saw the need for one of these specialty spoons. Conceptually I get it, and it saves you the prep work, but you still have to eat the grapefruit with this jagged edged thing. Unless you like tearing up your lips while eating acidy food.

However, a grapefruit spoon has become a necessary part of my kitchen for a super easy goat cheese stuffed zucchini dish.



Cut the zucchini in half long ways and dig out the seeds with your grapefruit spoon and salt and pepper them to taste.



Mix goat cheese, lemon zest, salt and pepper and a handful of your favorite fresh herb, chopped. This time I had flat leaf parsley in the fridge but I have used mint in the past and that was even better. Stuff the zucchini with the cheese mixture and top with toasted bread crumbs. Bake in a 350 degree oven for about 10-15 minutes or until the zucchini is tender.

You'll thank me. And the grapefruit spoon.

Flashback

The strangest thing happened in the grocery store the other day. I was browsing for my usual weekly staples and something just came over me. I had to have Macaroni & Cheese and it had to be Kraft (it is "the Cheesiest," you know). I stood there for a minute thinking to myself, why are you stooping to this level? I mean, I am no stranger to the fancy Mac and Cheese but today, I wanted nothing to do with the Irish Cheddar or the Nutty Gruyere. Tonight, it was powdered cheese in a a bag, or nothing else.

It is hard to explain how it made me feel knowing that I was about to go home and cook something that can only be explained as neon, cheese food. Disgusted? No. Embarrassed? No. Exhilarated? Yes.

My new challenge was to pair the main and second side dish with a pasta dish that was about to be coated in a sauce that has about 300% of my daily dose of sodium. I decided the best choice was to not jeopardize the integrity of the Mac and Cheese and stick to the basics. Fish sticks and green beans. Of course, I bought fresh cod and made a delicious oat and herb breading and the green beans were sauteed in butter and garlic. I have to bring a little bit of fancy to the plate, even when we eat like 6 year olds.

Vocabulary Lessons from Top Chef

Instead of weekly reviews which clearly I have failed to produce, I have decided to start working on my own "Top Chef" dictionary. Please read carefully. You will be tested on this material.

1. Brunoise: A brunoise is one of the most basic knife skills. Basically you are cutting your food into approximately 1/8th inch cubes. To preform a brunoise one mush first julienne the food, turn it 90 degrees and dice it again to make perfect little squares. Typical items that are brunoised are carrots or parsnips. On Top Chef the contestants brunoised apples. Some of them even started to brunoise their fingers. But not even the threat of stitches would stop them. The power of Tom Colicchio compels you!!

2. Amuse Bouche: This little delight is not an appetizer. In fact, it is not even ordered but rather brought to the table at no charge. One other difference that sets an amuse bouche apart from typical hors d'oeuvre is that it is usually only one bite. According to the Wikipeidia entry it is "literally translated to 'mouth amuser.'" And of course, they are not without a touch of fancy so the chef can showcase his creativity and skills. However, if that is the literal translation then I guess that means that to me, things like Cheetos and chocolate-covered pretzels are also "amuse bouches."

3. Robot Coupe: I added this one only because I always hear them talking about "the robot coupe" ("robot" pronounced "row-bow"). Every time they would say it I had no idea what they were talking about and all I could think of was "Robo Cop." I then couldn't help but wonder if there was some kind of secret kitchen robot that they used who couldn't be seen by the public or something. Turns out it is just a food processor. Lame.

Oh Padma, how I missed your knife dance.

Has Christmas come early for me? Oh, I think it has.

Of course, I have to root for local girl, Jamie Lauren, Executive Chef of Absinthe in San Francisco. Time will tell who will really win my heart but for now, I am back to finish the episode that I Tivoed and HOLY CRAP THEY ARE ABOUT TO ELIMINATE SOMEONE ON THE QUICKFIRE!

Dance for me Padma! Dance I say!

Like drugs, but legal.

I invite you to mosey on over to my good friend Melia's blog, "The Sampler Platter" and read about her Top Five "crack-snacks" as she calls them. I call snacks like the ones she is referring to as "my kryptonite." They are the kind of snacks that are impossible to eat one of and once you have eaten the entire (fill in: bag/box/jug/gallon, here) you don't even feel guilty about it. I would give you a list of my own personal "crack-snacks" but I need to go get a wet-nap and clean all the "#1 snack" from Melia's list off of my keyboard first. Also, I need to go buy another bag of them.