"Top Chef" Season 4: Week 3

In general, week three was a disappointment for me. It's still early enough in the season where there's just not enough time to see what everyone makes in the "Quickfire" challenges. This week's challenge: to take the humble taco and turn it into a fine dining experience. I love tacos and would gladly eat them every day for lunch, so I was giddy with excitement to see what everyone would come up with. But with 14 contestants remaining and only 60 minutes of show what do they do? They show the top three tacos, the bottom three tacos and the Mexican guy's taco (didn't find that at all offensive).

In this week's elimination challenge, the chefs had to split into two teams and cater a block party for a Chicago neighborhood. But the exciting twist of this challenge was that instead of hopping in their Toyota Highlanders to do their shopping at Whole Foods Market, they had to go shopping door-to-door in said neighborhood. This could only mean one thing: more time for product placements! On the chefs' little scavenger hunt, they came across some pretty amazing finds, such as KC Masterpiece Barbecue Sauce, Hidden Valley "Spicy" Ranch dressing and Velveeta Cheese. Come on, Top Chef! I mean, I understand that you had to jump into bed with the makers of Gladware but Velveeta!?! Orange colored cheese food!?! That is a new low.

I was torn at Judges' Table and I had no idea which of the two teams was the losing team. One thing is for sure: Andrew needs to serve himself a very large slice of humble pie. Um, this is not "your house," you pretentious ass, and whether or not you go home is not your decision to make. Someone needs to lace his olive oil with Ritalin. And I find it even more annoying that he is actually one of the better chefs.

I honestly think I would be way more likely to bring myself to eat Erik's soggy corn dogs over Nikki's coagulated and dry mac-n-cheese (see aforementioned Velveeta). But in the end, Erik was the best choice for going home; his Quickfires have lacked presence and though he seemed like a likable guy, he just couldn't bring the fancy that I love oh so much. But my girl Stephanie prevailed once again with a berry crisp that looked heavenly. Bet it would have been even better with some Kraft brand Cool Whip™.

"Top Chef" Season 4: Week 2

What a clever little challenge we had this week. The chefs were to cater a party at the Chicago zoo. They were broken up into teams of three and each team was assigned an animal. The challenge was to prepare a menu based on the diet of their assigned animal.

Between the bottom two teams, Team Gorilla and Team Bear, it's difficult for me to decide which of the two was actually the weaker team. On one hand, you have Team Bear, who decided to serve their stuffed mushrooms even though they failed to even taste them before service. (Gail Simmons referred to them as "bear dropping" in appearance. I think Rocco DiSpirito writes her jokes for her).

Then there was Team Gorilla, who I think made a bad move by adding meat to their menu for an animal who has an entirely vegetarian diet. In my opinion, they didn't meet the requirements of the challenge. I mean, what would they have done if a gorilla had come up to their station, eager to eat from a menu designed specifically for him, picked up a plate of Stephanie's seemingly meatless salad only to find out that it was chock-full of crab meat. I can hear it now: "Um excuse me ma'am, is there meat in this?" the gorilla would ask. And after hearing "yes," he would probably ask to speak to the manager, and despite the sincerest of apologies from both the chefs and Ms. Lakshmi, the gorilla would probably still end up throwing his poo at her. How embarrassing for the chefs...and the gorilla.

In the end I think Valerie was a good choice for going home. I know nothing about blinis and when they should or should not be made, but I do think that she was just not tough enough for the title of Top Chef. Plus, she looked just like Rachel Dratch from SNL and I just kept expecting her to get all "Debbie Downer" on us and start talking about the frequency of cross contamination in the kitchen and the number of salmonella deaths per year as a result. Waah-wahhhhhh.

My life is better for it.

By Brittaney Meyer

(Brittaney is my best friend. In all the years we have been friends we have only had one fight which centered around her desire to tour the It's It Factory and a 3-pack of underwear purchased at Target. I don't have time for the full description of the fight but all you really need to know is that I won. Looking back, the randomness of our one fight actually made perfect sense because when Brittaney wants something, as random as it may be, she will not rest until she gets it. This also pertains to her food cravings. Like the time she wanted nothing else to eat besides garlic green beans and tangerine juice. Or the quite lengthy period of time when all she wanted to eat for lunch was a chicken sandwich. Her passion for things makes for a wonderful friendship and some great meals.)


My 27th birthday was the best one yet. You might ask, "How could that be? Did she win a million dollars? Did someone take her on a surprise trip to Rome? Did she meet the love of her life?" No. No... and yes. For my 27th birthday my Mom and Dad gave me a Red Le Creuset French Oven. My life was changed forever on that day.

I had always wanted a Le Creuset but, seeing as $150.00+ is a lot to spend on a cooking item, I put off buying one. And then my mother came across an end-cap at Costco. That small act of making a discount purchase at a warehouse store changed my life forever. I have to admit--I was intimidated by the idea of slow cooking at first. Although I had wanted one for so long I didn't quite know where to start. Should I begin with a staple, like pot roast, or go for something more adventurous? After a couple of weeks of deliberation and some searching on the food channel website I decided on short ribs. They were, if I do say so myself, amazing. I was amazed. The pot was magic. It took ordinary carrots, celery, onions and beef and turned it into something that was so much... more. I was hooked. Since that day I have used my Le Creuset three to four nights a week. I think I'm on my way to being 300 pounds but I just can't go back. This is the best part: You can make something that you normally would make in a skillet or a regular, run of the mill, stainless steel pot and, by the magic hands of the slow cooking gods, it just comes out BETTER. Take spaghetti sauce for instance. I use to do your normal thing--take some ground beef, add a jar of sauce, some extra vegetables to make it a little "fancy" and call it a day. Occasionally, I would add a couple of garlic cloves or a splash of wine. Same old; same old. But then it hit me--what about slow cooked spaghetti sauce? Would it be better? Of course it would. This is what I did:

1. Cut a pot roast into large chunks and season with salt and pepper.
2. Add a little olive oil to the Le Creuset and brown all sides of the meat.
3. Move the meat to the sides and pour your cut, "fancy" vegetables into the middle of the pot.
4. Brown for 5 minutes.
5. Pour in one jar of sauce, half a jar of water, 1 cup of wine, 2 bay leaves and 3 sprigs fresh thyme.
6. Simmer for 1 1/2 - 2 hours.
7. Remove meat, shred, add back to sauce and serve.

That's it! The prep time was exactly the same! With the exception of the simmering time (during which I watched episodes of Big Love and folded laundry) nothing was that much different. However, the end results were phenomenal. People actually thought I made the sauce from scratch. Eat your heart out Sandra Lee. I'm telling you, if you know what is good for you, and you want to impress those that dine with you, buy a Le Creuset and start cooking. Slow is the way to go baby.

Top Chef Season 4: Week 1

So here is my question: Were Zoi and Jennifer legitimately two of the most qualified chefs in the nation to apply for the show or is Chef Colicchio just hoping that there would be some girl-on-girl action that somehow involved aprons, high heels and truffle oil? Right now, I am doubtful that the first choice is the likelier one.

Furthermore, Andrew, you are not a tough guy just because every other word out of your mouth rhymes with "rubber trucker." You had best keep your attitude in check or you're going to get your ass handed to you, braised in a port and black cherry reduction, served on a bed of field greens.

And I am not sure what was worse, Ryan's shake-n-bake chicken piccata or Rocco DiSpirito's hilarious comment about him and his dish: "Let's just say that the gnocchi was not the only thing that was dense!" I mean come one! With more zingers like that one, this is "cooking up" to be a "tasty" season. (See how I did that there?)

To sum up, I believe that Nimma was the best choice for going home. Over-salting a meal is an inexcusable offense, and calling her failed flan a "cauliflower scramble" does not make it look any less like barf on a plate.

My current favorite to win: Stephanie. More than the fact that she was able to impress Anthony Bourdain with her Duck a L'Orange, but because she seems sincere, not to mention very talented in an entirely unpretentious way. Those are the kind of people I root for.

You can read more about the "Top Chef" Season 4...um..."Cheftestants" here.

Utensils down, hands up!

March 12, baby! The suspense is killing me!

I am going to try to promise weekly reviews if possible so get excited.

Served from 7am-10am

I would not say that our standards are very high when it comes to picking hotels when we travel. It comes down to a basic few criteria that we are looking for:

1. Is it under $100 per night?
2. Does it at least appear to have been cleaned?
3. Is there a bed?

When all of three are met, we book it. In my mind, we spend the least amount of time in the hotel when we are on a trip and I would much rather spend my money on things like delicious meals, fancy gourmet mustards or yet another perfect pair of shoes. (This last trip, they were houndstooth flats, with a bow! Impossible to pass up.)

Sometimes, we get lucky are able to meet all three of our hotel must-haves and we get some added bonuses. But really, things like HBO and a pool are lost on Grant and me since I a) Netflix anything I want to watch from HBO anyway and b) choose not to be seen in public in a bathing suit. Regardless, when we book a hotel that offers these features, our eyes still light up as we excitedly say to the other, "Oooo, they have HBO and a pool!"

I don't quite get it either.

However, there is one added amenity that we will utilize: Free Continental Breakfast. It is the only time ever in the world of food that a pre-packaged butter horn can taste good.

We have had many different experiences with continental breakfast. On our honeymoon in Italy, despite having some very obvious perks, overall it was an odd free-dining experience to say the least. One of those perks for sure was an actual person hovering around the dining area at the ready to make you a fresh cappucino on demand. The other was the single servings of Nutella to spread on toast. Um, yes please!

What I had trouble with were the strange platters of mystery lunch meats and strange cheeses wrapped in foil. For me, things like that just don't go well with my cereal and OJ.

Hands down, the best continental breakfast we ever had was at the Embassy Suites in San Luis Obispo a few years ago. First of all it was a full hot breakfast buffet. Also, it was more than just free – Grant and I did not even stay the night there. My brother-in-law and his family stayed there and Grant and I just happened to find our way to a table with a plate full of food and no one happened to check room keys. Was it wrong? Probably. But on that particular trip our hotel of choice missed the above mentioned marks, if you will. In fact, when we checked into our room I actually asked this question aloud: "Why is the carpet moist?" We deserved that breakfast, stolen or otherwise.

On our most recent trip to SLO, our breakfast experience was fairly standard. Two kinds of cereal, a bowl full of hard boiled eggs, room temperature OJ and a variety of toasts and jams. The only significance being that at this particular breakfast I tried orange marmalade for the first time and it was delightful. In fact, at one point during the consumption of my newly discovered favorite way to eat toast, I think I blacked out for a moment while I dreamed of all the other things that would taste good with some orange marmalade slathered on top: shortbread cookies, pork chops, or my spoon. I also imagined how much more delicious it would have been on the toast combined with one of those individual packets of Nutella from Italy and a fresh cappucino.

Throw in a butter horn, HBO and a pool and you're really talkin'.